Evolver

Afternoon blogspot public.
Average day, weather could be better, wish I didn't have that ice-cream for breakfast and looking forward to delving into a mountain of study.
I'm currently reading "Good Man Hunting" by Jacinta Tynan. It's not the best book on the good ol' topic of relationships and breakups but I'd say it's worth the time. I strictly say this isn't the book for the male audience but if you are a man in dyer need of an insight into a woman's life then read on, at your own free will. Half way through the book I found myself questioning men and their abilities as well...humans. The cliche pickup lines, the 55 one night stands, the shopping for fresh meat eventhough you're already off the market. Have you no mercy?
I suppose, no, I am sure all men aren't like this but it makes finding that pin from the haystack alot harder now that we have all these dysfunctional faulty products narrowing our chances.
Seeing as I have two older sisters I'm wiser than my years on the effects of dud relationships. Walking in on one crying under her bedcover and witnessing the other rage relentlessly after a mere disagreement between her and her ex beau. It becomes a way of life.
And I wondered whether it's because we as women have alot more feelings, emotions, heart. Or maybe because we have use by dates cause quite frankly you see alot more of your Cradle Snatcher rather than your Cougar eg. Mr Hugh Hefner (hey, I don't blame him at all you build an empire of sex and women you get to live in it)
But do we purposefully put ourselves in these situations where we're the ones left dwelling and "heartbroken"? I sound like a single thirty year old worry wart stressing for her ovaries and their fertility rates but I see no harm in being relationship-aware alot earlier in the track.
I won't be a party pooper and let you guys in on a few of my own personal experiences.
I'm not promiscuous, in actual fact I'm the complete opposite. Just giving you guys the heads up in case you were expecting some hollywood "Gossip Girl" life story. A referral to Gossip Girl...never again.
I find it just as hard as many to find someone who ticks the right boxes so of all the - I hate to call them - flings or relationships I've had I'd only consider two worthy of mention.
(Names and or such have been changed to protect those who may have told it a different way)
So my First Real Thing was well, it lives up to it's title. I'm not going to say this is the situation for every girl but I've got to say I don't look back on that period in my life as childish or refer to it as petty young love. Well it must have been "young" considering we were 13-14 but it was worth the time. Despite our unfortunate breakup I'd say Mr First Real Thing gave me the best insight into the world of Relationships&Breakups. It has to start somewhere and I'm just that little bit luckier I began there. Did I mourn with long teary sessions? You bet. Did I get that ache in my heart like some evil gypsy was clenching my blood pumper? More so than you think. How many months? Do you mean years? It took me approximately a year - maybe even more - to pull myself together completely and move on from that dreadful state. To clarify, I wasn't placed on any medication nor did I attend counselling sessions. I don't want to exaggerate the effects of the breakup but it did leave it's print. The question that was digging at me that entire year was one I'm sure girls have all mulled over and over again whilst lying in bed with their box of tissues and sad love songs. "Is he going through exactly what I'm going through right now?" I can't remember how many times I thought and rethought that. On most days that got me going cause something would come over me and I'd become this coniving fox. My thoughts were that he - being a man - would not be wallowing in self pity so I should also keep up with his gladitorial mentality. As you've probably guessed it didn't really work so Time was the only factor I relied on to mould me back into my old self.
But here's where I learn a valuable lesson. After a long, long gap from head over heels to tear stained pillows First Real Thing and I spoke and boy did I get those butterflies in the gut. I was surprised he could still have that effect on me after so long. Invariably, we spoke like we hadn't missed a beat but there was always that tension. Like whether this was right or were we merely reliving what we thought we still had. What shocked me the most was this:
1. He went through exactly what I went through. (a huge weight off my shoulders. I no longer felt like a girly-girl overdramatizing a breakup)
2. He missed me just as much as I did during that long year
3. We - or maybe it was just me - had changed quite abit since 2005.
I don't want to elongate this story or I'll bore you to death so I'll end one of my experiences here. What I got out of that section in my life was that boys, just like girls, go through the horrible heartachey breakup (not too sure about the amount of tears though, I think girls take the cake for that) This is considering your first found love was not faulty and was infact ONE of the pins in the haystack. You'll know because you won't hold bitter hateful feelings against them.

Didn't expect this blog to end up a novel. It's all because of that darn book...which I must get back to reading haha. The situations Jacinta has been in, the men she's come across. I thought this only happened in Sex and the City! Well then, maybe I am yet to find my Mr Big.

Takecare.

Oh, just a thought. I came across this extract from a book in Jacinta's own story and was wondering whether it holds any truth. I'm sure I won't get any comments but I'll just put it out there for any of my readers to ponder.

Women blame men for acting fake. Interested when they're trying to get them in the sack, then not spending the night, not wanting to cuddle or spend the day together. But women are the ones speeding from zero to intimacy like a Ferrari. Which is more artificial?
Rick Marin, Cad. Confessions of a Toxic Bachelor