Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Who died and made you king of anything?

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Keep drinkin' coffee
Stare me down across the table
While I look outside

So many things I'd say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet
And count the cars that pass by

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

I hate to break it you babe
But I'm not drowning
There's no one here to save

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

You sound so innocent
All full of good intent
You swear you know best

But you expect me to
Jump up on board with you
Right off into your dellusional sunset

I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see

You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening

And who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

All my life
I've tried
To make everybody happy while I
Just hurt
And hide
Waitin' for someone to tell me it's my turn
To decide

Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)
Oh (oh oh oh)

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Let me hold your crown, babe
Oh oh

Sara Bareilles - King Of Anything

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Subject Outline - Please ensure all components are taken care of

In high school I was always given a Subject Outline. A list of must-know's and must-do's if I wanted a fighting chance to achieve that ultimate mark. I was in the shower the other day (don't mistake my continued referrals to my showers as coming from flirtatious incentives, it's where I do my best thinking) and I thought about the biggest "mark" or the ultimate outcome we want out of this thing we call Life. My conclusion is


Now don't be quick to object and let me explain myself. Trust me, this outcome is the same for every single one of you.

Situation #1: You're a money gobbling, diamond desiring, leech like gold digger. (Can you tell I'm not a fan of these people?) You're saying Hey Brooke! I really don't give a toss about happiness. I only care for money, wrinkled testicles and deception. To that I say, Trophy Wife? If you're doing what you love most (in this case cheating, lying and stealing) you will be happy. It's in your genetic makeup that you enjoy this way of life so whether or not it's someone else's is insignificant. You are going to be happy and it's your "mark".

Situation #2: You are a bitter old man/woman who has a permanent irritable look on your face and you disapprove of today's youth. You sit me down and begin your lecture on how you couldn't care less for happiness. That all you care about is respect, pride and honour. Well nan/pap If that's your thing your "mark" 60 years or so ago would have been to save yourself for a partner with Nazi like qualities. You would've had 2 beautiful children and home schooled them making sure they came out of College well groomed, well learned and virgins.
They would respect you and answer to your every command
Make you beam with pride when the sheet showed traces of red on their honeymoon
And they'd honour you and carry on the family tradition by producing 4 more "perfect" offspring.
Either way, you will be happy. A plan you devised years ago paid back and you are Happy with your endless supply of pride, respect and honour.

Situation #3: You are a tree hugging hippy. Well for starters I'm going to ask you what you plan to achieve by chaining yourself to a tree and smoking dope, and then clonk you across the head with a wooden club. There is no way you can be happy being a hippy. Despite your hatred for materialistic beings like myself you wouldn't be able to say whole heartedly that money and finer things haven't ever crossed your mind because that would be LYING. And the Green Gods should strike you with thistles.

Convincing enough yet? Great I'll keep moving.

Now excluding those above I've produced a Subject Outline and applied it to Life. This is the only way regular people will be Happy.

Life's(Brooke's) Subject Outline to achieve Happiness
1. Family/Friends
2. Knowledge
3. Career/Money
4. Love (will require the use of trial and error)

Numero Uno. Family is not surprisingly the first element of our Outline. A family provides support and stability all of your life. It doesn't have to be big. It could just be you, Mum and little Sarah. You and Dad. You, Nan and Pop. A family gives you something to come home to even if you live a million miles away from eachother. Technology does wonders so you can sob over the tragic loss of your most recent love or how much you hate your job to Mum on the phone, and she'll listen intently. Not like your friends who could also listen, but you should be aware have problems of their own. If I've learnt anything it's that family, regardless of the pain and frustration you put them through, will be there 'til the end. I know this because I've had many hiccups with just about every member in my fam bam, but I love the reconciliation bit. I love how it takes a tiny gesture or a certain look to show that all is forgotten and truly forgiven. And I think that's amazing.
Now friends are tricky. I'm not exactly at a very good point in my life in terms of friendships. Fresh out of high school I'm just beginning to witness the falling outs because of say personal aspirations, change in character or direction. I guess that means that friendship's that little bit more challenging. I'd like to say that my choice in friends has fortunately left me with a handful of specials that I hold dear, and it has, but I've also had my fair share of friendship drama.
Nevertheless Friends are vital. There are things we'd rather share with people who aren't family but through our eyes, should be. Oh and you'll need friends of all types. The funny one, the crazy one, the listener, the sentimental one...all of them. Don't call yourself a fraud because you act differently around each one. If I've come to realise anything it's that one person has so many different sides to them. We can't be funny or crazy or overly sentimental all the time, but we do need to release these inner characters every so often. This is what friends are for. They let you be the person you are, the person you wake up feeling.

2. So you didn't complete the twelfth grade and go on to Uni/College. So what?
Knowledge (although I think is most easily acquired through school) doesn't have to originate from textbooks. Too many people have proved this and although I'm not bothered to Google some evidence I know for a fact Richard Branson left school when he was 15.
And he owns a couple of islands
And a couple of cars and women to
Have you caught on yet? What I'm trying to say is that we need knowledge like air. We acquire it without being aware most of the time. It's sort of like how I used to enjoy watching Playschool as a youngan and then grew up to learn it didn't teach me a goddamn thing. Just kidding it taught me the difference between a square, circle, arch and diamond. Set me up for the future it did.
Without our minds continuously robbing knowledge from everywhere we are but nothing. It induces growth and prepares us for the challenges ahead.

3. Step two leads to this important step. I believe it is essential to have a career. Now let me see dictionary.com defines Career
as "an occupation or profession, esp. one requiring special training, followed as one's lifework"
Who gives what dictionary.com says. My definition of a career is not an occupation but YOUR profession that will have you up every morning without fail (and not because you'll be fired on the spot if you arrive a minute late). It will be a newfound love of yours incorporating all the elements of things you not only do best but love most. I know I'm not crazy when I say people who enter fields they are passionate about work efficiently and enthusiastically.
Then there's the argument of whether passion will pay the bills. I believe it will.
Don't say something stupid like 'What if I enjoy collecting walnuts?' because I will take you as seriously as I did my high school librarian who told me Jane Austen was a good read...
We all aspire to be the best. Our ancestors bestowed upon us the qualities labelled jealousy and competitiveness which means in all of us is the capability to fight for something we really want. That's what it's all about. Being the best. And if you're passionate about something you'll want to be the best, and you will be. So you've got yourself a win-win. You'll pay the bills, the school fees, the LV for the lady AND you'll love every minute of it.

4. We now come to the most...well how exactly can I explain love? Let's just say we've arrived at the most painful, confusing, tricky, mentally draining, physically exhausting element of the Outline. Some are probably baffled right now. "How can you say that? Love is the most beautiful thing God created!"
Love IS beautiful
God didn't create a thing
And I said it because I'm a realist
Love is capable of some strange stuff. It can toy with your feelings, alter your body image, change your mood almost instantly, forget sleep even existed, make you do things you thought you weren't capable of, take risks you thought you never would and the list is near endless.
Right now I'm debating whether love is optional (an elective in Outline terms) and have come to the conclusion that it's not. I think it's just as imperative as those above. I was watching The Bachelorette the other day (ha-ha yes I know I'm happy to receive your criticisms on my bad taste of reality t.v) and the bachelorette said something ridiculously corny it was almost too embarrassing to listen but I've got to give it to her she's pretty much spot on.
"A life without love is a life without happiness." It's as simple as that. I've met some strange people in my lifetime and Dad's friend Michael was one of them. Michael, a strong Jehovah's witness saw commitment and sex as no more than a means of procreation. He didn't have children (he told me he'd have them in the next lifetime - no comment) but he had a partner who believed in the same thing he did. While he blabbered on about the importance of the Bible I was pondering over whether this man was mentally stable or did he just have a different totally whacked out understanding of love. And then I really looked at Michael and his wife. They never touched, their conversations were almost robotic and they didn't have that aura I believe love gives off and I felt sort of sorry for them both. Just my perception though.
Love is crazy but it has to be. That's what makes it so enriching, enticing and so remarkably addictive. It's on the Outline because it needs to be. It's harsh but so very worth it. To look at someone and believe the impossible possible is evidence in itself that Love isn't just an emotion but something much greater. A higher order almost. Don't get me wrong the process in finding and then experiencing love makes a a bullet through the head seem pleasant but I think that's just part of the whole package. When something makes you feel almost too happy, when you want to waste your time on thoughts of it, when it makes life seem just that little bit better it can't be any old something. It must be worth it, for better or for worse.

There it is, my outline for life's pursuit of happiness. You have to excel at all of them. Goodluck!

Thursday, April 22, 2010


I'm going to start with the half arsed posts I save but never finish

Lack of commitment #1

If there's one thing I know, it's that Life's gonna be one hell of a ride

Yeah okay, I know I treat my blog like a call girl
Good thing she's affordable then! and doesn't mind the neglecting.

I've got no idea where to start (worst thing about blogging every 3 years)
I guess I should begin by saying I finished year 12...about 6 months ago haha and I'm loving every moment of it. I've moved back to Sydney and well, still adjusting to the humid weather and not having to bring a jacket, sunglasses, a beanie or a pair of shorts just in case I run into Winter or Summer on a day out (describes the weather conditions of Melb).
- Studying Biomed at UTS
- New Golden Retriever and his name is Charlie :)
- New Home
- Lastest craze is well crazy people (more of this later)

But enough of the small talk I'm sure you're searching for more intense things to read.
Right before I decided to pay my poor blog a visit my mind was crying out for help. I had a trazillion (it's a legit measure trust me) thoughts swirling in and out of my headspace. If there's something I know I'd do if I could speak to my little bundle of joy before they enter this/ This is where my mum comes in and asks me to cook some rice or something. I'll tell myself I will finish the blog when I'm done and I think of the worst possible punishment to give myself if I don't. But you know what's gonna happen. Mum'll ask me to fry the buk choi and my post is no more. I'm naughtier than the women they spank on those shows on the interweb...what do you call them? On the tip of my tongue...ah yes Pornstars.

Evidence of procrastination #2

I'll take a Love on the Rocks

Hey strangers,
I better find something interesting to write about or I'll close this window for the millionth time. Small talk? I hate small talk, but I'm good thanks for asking.I've just finished reading 'Something Borrowed' by Emily Giffen (yet another book suggestion from me) and it's quite a well structured book. Satisfying ending (only cause I'm a most subjective reader and have favourite characters i secretly root for) and a plot that kept me turning pages. Oh and the climax was on point. Highly recommended? Almost. Worth the read? Most probably. 'Betrayal' by Sasha Blake also makes my list, 'Child C' by Christopher Spry definitely not for the faint hearted andddddd that concludes my rant on the most boring subject ever./ And then I stopped. Can't remember why but it's probably cause I was in need of a long long long shower which is scientifically proven to cure anything. And I mean anything from:
- Family rows
- Hangovers
- Headache
- Heartache
and not to mention Filthiness. You always win with a shower.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.
Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We're fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredem and the freedom and the time spent alone.

But there's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everyting must run it's course.

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

MGMT - Time To Pretend

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Pursuit Of Happiness

Sunday afternoons. A good book, your fav song on repeat and you finally took the time to clean the jungle you call a room. Total bliss.
I took my sweet time but I finally got my L's... not that anyone is interested in that now since practically everyone is way ahead buying their first rides, driving with the top down and flaming red P-plates.
Hmm I'm not a fan of daylight savings.
I came across this a few days/weeks? after MJ passed away. (Bless his soul)
I didn't know how to react...You can enlarge by just clicking on the picture and should I say it's worth it?
Now, I of all people am not one to speak being a die hard fan of The King of Pop myself but honestly, aborting your child because the painkillers had finally taken our dear Michael?
I wonder if she's also a strong Christian and going against the Holy Bible and it's teachings. In that case, you go girlfriend.
Nah, in all seriousness I think she's a psychopath no offence "Hayley".
If I had a Yahoo account I'd probably help you cope with this:
"Dear Hayley, I have an inhospitable uterus and am never going to be able to have children. I am very much prepared to bring your child up in this MJless world and I'm sure you will think this a very fair price. Your child for my entire MJ collection. It even includes never released singles...
There are more important things in life like the life you have growing in you. Don't make me kill you. Love, Brooke"

I should have reported abuse.
My bitch for the day.

Friday, October 2, 2009


Afternoon blogspot public.
Average day, weather could be better, wish I didn't have that ice-cream for breakfast and looking forward to delving into a mountain of study.
I'm currently reading "Good Man Hunting" by Jacinta Tynan. It's not the best book on the good ol' topic of relationships and breakups but I'd say it's worth the time. I strictly say this isn't the book for the male audience but if you are a man in dyer need of an insight into a woman's life then read on, at your own free will. Half way through the book I found myself questioning men and their abilities as well...humans. The cliche pickup lines, the 55 one night stands, the shopping for fresh meat eventhough you're already off the market. Have you no mercy?
I suppose, no, I am sure all men aren't like this but it makes finding that pin from the haystack alot harder now that we have all these dysfunctional faulty products narrowing our chances.
Seeing as I have two older sisters I'm wiser than my years on the effects of dud relationships. Walking in on one crying under her bedcover and witnessing the other rage relentlessly after a mere disagreement between her and her ex beau. It becomes a way of life.
And I wondered whether it's because we as women have alot more feelings, emotions, heart. Or maybe because we have use by dates cause quite frankly you see alot more of your Cradle Snatcher rather than your Cougar eg. Mr Hugh Hefner (hey, I don't blame him at all you build an empire of sex and women you get to live in it)
But do we purposefully put ourselves in these situations where we're the ones left dwelling and "heartbroken"? I sound like a single thirty year old worry wart stressing for her ovaries and their fertility rates but I see no harm in being relationship-aware alot earlier in the track.
I won't be a party pooper and let you guys in on a few of my own personal experiences.
I'm not promiscuous, in actual fact I'm the complete opposite. Just giving you guys the heads up in case you were expecting some hollywood "Gossip Girl" life story. A referral to Gossip Girl...never again.
I find it just as hard as many to find someone who ticks the right boxes so of all the - I hate to call them - flings or relationships I've had I'd only consider two worthy of mention.
(Names and or such have been changed to protect those who may have told it a different way)
So my First Real Thing was well, it lives up to it's title. I'm not going to say this is the situation for every girl but I've got to say I don't look back on that period in my life as childish or refer to it as petty young love. Well it must have been "young" considering we were 13-14 but it was worth the time. Despite our unfortunate breakup I'd say Mr First Real Thing gave me the best insight into the world of Relationships&Breakups. It has to start somewhere and I'm just that little bit luckier I began there. Did I mourn with long teary sessions? You bet. Did I get that ache in my heart like some evil gypsy was clenching my blood pumper? More so than you think. How many months? Do you mean years? It took me approximately a year - maybe even more - to pull myself together completely and move on from that dreadful state. To clarify, I wasn't placed on any medication nor did I attend counselling sessions. I don't want to exaggerate the effects of the breakup but it did leave it's print. The question that was digging at me that entire year was one I'm sure girls have all mulled over and over again whilst lying in bed with their box of tissues and sad love songs. "Is he going through exactly what I'm going through right now?" I can't remember how many times I thought and rethought that. On most days that got me going cause something would come over me and I'd become this coniving fox. My thoughts were that he - being a man - would not be wallowing in self pity so I should also keep up with his gladitorial mentality. As you've probably guessed it didn't really work so Time was the only factor I relied on to mould me back into my old self.
But here's where I learn a valuable lesson. After a long, long gap from head over heels to tear stained pillows First Real Thing and I spoke and boy did I get those butterflies in the gut. I was surprised he could still have that effect on me after so long. Invariably, we spoke like we hadn't missed a beat but there was always that tension. Like whether this was right or were we merely reliving what we thought we still had. What shocked me the most was this:
1. He went through exactly what I went through. (a huge weight off my shoulders. I no longer felt like a girly-girl overdramatizing a breakup)
2. He missed me just as much as I did during that long year
3. We - or maybe it was just me - had changed quite abit since 2005.
I don't want to elongate this story or I'll bore you to death so I'll end one of my experiences here. What I got out of that section in my life was that boys, just like girls, go through the horrible heartachey breakup (not too sure about the amount of tears though, I think girls take the cake for that) This is considering your first found love was not faulty and was infact ONE of the pins in the haystack. You'll know because you won't hold bitter hateful feelings against them.

Didn't expect this blog to end up a novel. It's all because of that darn book...which I must get back to reading haha. The situations Jacinta has been in, the men she's come across. I thought this only happened in Sex and the City! Well then, maybe I am yet to find my Mr Big.


Oh, just a thought. I came across this extract from a book in Jacinta's own story and was wondering whether it holds any truth. I'm sure I won't get any comments but I'll just put it out there for any of my readers to ponder.

Women blame men for acting fake. Interested when they're trying to get them in the sack, then not spending the night, not wanting to cuddle or spend the day together. But women are the ones speeding from zero to intimacy like a Ferrari. Which is more artificial?
Rick Marin, Cad. Confessions of a Toxic Bachelor

Friday, September 25, 2009

In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do

Well I'm pretty much exhausted. Spent a good 4-5 hours studying starting from 10am, had a late lunch which is a first (I must have been too engrossed in Biology), waited for my papa to get home and got dinner started had dinner watched two and a half men and here I am reliving those fine moments again. Haven't had much to say lately so I'm searching for an interesting topic to concentrate on and criticize.
I did come across a beast of a thing though. Well I don't want to call him a beast I'm sure it's not his fault.
What difference is there? They're both babies, they've both just jumped off the V-line express, they both look depressed to be here oh wait I spot the difference...ANGRY PANTS THERE IS 3 TIMES BIGGER THAN HIS MATE ON THE LEFT!! I was flabbergasted (such an ugly word to look at). Now you don't have to cringe that badly 'cause the woman did not (bless her soul) push this mother out. She had a caesarean (I always forget how to spell that but I've figured out a trick. Everyone loves a caesar salad then add the "ean"...well it works for me just putting it out there) Apparently his size was the result of his mother's diabetes. "When a diabetic mother's glucose level is high during pregnancy, the baby can receive too much glucose and grow too large, according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists." Unbelievable it's like giving birth to a toddler. Hmmm that's a thought. Imagine giving birth to a "baby" fully equpied with the knowledge and physical abilities of a toddler. Makes the lives of those who don't want to deal with the first few years of parenthood easier doesn't it. On the do-to list! Ahh the possibilities this world hands us

Maybe his dad was a sumo wrestler...

Btw my ideas are copyrighted. Time machine to prove evolution, "Toddler baby", yeah you know what I'm talking about!

God I'm weird...pushing blame onto VCE.